Anger. Such a standard word for an intoxicating disposition. We all feel it, for most on the daily. This emotion is a nagging feeling that claws from the inside out and some can let it steam up till it burst out while others are quick to the trigger. Anger is harmful not just to the people you direct it at, or yourself, but the future decisions that’ll be based off those moments. Inflections of what you do will stick with people and at times it will tarnish your relationships and bruise your ego/pride/status….
As a young person growing up in this world we aren’t always viewing the proper role models, and perhaps that is the same for generations upon generations. Anger’s represented in many ways: temper tantrums, verbal abuse, physical abuse, ranting/venting, hurtful sarcasm and if you thought of something else please add here ______.
I am known by those closest to me to demonstrate several types of anger management issues, who doesn’t. I don’t enjoy tantrums and I only tolerate verbal or physical abuse if it is just a funny back and forth but I do demonstrate outliers. I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism but I more so am trying to get a laugh. I vent in a very loud shrill voice as I shake a bit and feel everything overwhelming me and most the time I vent to the right people but I’ve learned my lessons.
Recently, in a leadership role for the past few years, I have experienced many altercations whether between me and a coworker or most often through mediation of one coworker to the next. I have learned one valuable lesson that has even changed my personal life.
What do you want the end result to be?
Yelling, screaming and such don’t get anything but resentful feelings and a mess to smooth out.
Learn to focus on what you can control.
If there is a problem think of the possible solutions, that goes back to focusing on what you can control.
I’ve learned that people’s actions have consequences and in order to find justification the best thing to do is stay calm, gather your thoughts, take a step away from the situation if you need time to do this, Then be professional and/ calm to the situation, which depends on the audience. Your goal is not to vent till you feel guilty and have a backstabber stocking your weaknesses. You want someone to understand what went wrong and how you feel about it or how others feel about it. You want to ask them what their thoughts are and give them the time to explain, most of the times things are just a misunderstanding. Then you deliver the consequences in a rational way. You inform them what went wrong and sometimes and then you ask them what we can do to prevent this in the future.
In the end I find that in the personal world you should come to an agreement and/ compromise. In the business world you should explain calmly what the problem is without any personal affliction, and then inform them what level of corrective action takes place. Your job is not about being angry, it is about holding people accountable and enforcing positivity and being a good role model. Your personal relationships aren’t about subsiding to another’s point or not listening to others input but sharing each others lives and coming to an agreement.
Anger is a wasted feeling that needs to be managed just as one must manage stress. Just like any emotion there is nothing you can do to rid it forever but you can learn to handle it better. None of us are perfect but we can try to be better.