It’s been a while since I last posted a blog about my publishing endeavors The thing about endeavors is that they are exciting and torturous at times. Some wrenches were thrown my way but I’m back on track now. It’s not easy trusting yourself with such a big dream. Every relationship formed is an opportunity and there is no failure in anything missed or dropped. In writing there is only progress and a journey.
Lately my journey has been criticizing myself harshly. I’m a perfectionist and the problem is that perfectionist are not perfect. Being that we are not perfect we tend to drive ourselves crazy as we reach for perfection even when we know it is impossible and unnecessary. Somedays I become a coward to the task at hand. A small moment within my work seems so vital and there is just something missing. The more I read my own writing the more I correct myself. Sometimes I wondered if I changed the word or sentence back to what I originally had the first go around. These questionable times keep you wondering if you are being overprotective or combing through a masterpiece.
Life is precious, one day after another passes. I worry that I will never finish what I have created. That somehow I will be faced to an epitome of running in circles. Yet I can’t help but check on myself multiple times because I decided to invest in an editor, someone who does this for a living and is on my time not theres. Therefore it cost a few grand and that tax return is very valuable to provide such assistance. Now that is in the bank, I’m still editing and editing. Worried that one imperfection or more can be the meaning in paying one rate over the higher rate of an editor. More importantly wondering if I should put more consideration into a paragraph, chapter, or idea before I put it out to the world. Then I remember that no matter what, I will always feel like it is unfinished and unpolished regardless of the help I have or the time and effort I put in it.
The story will always be imperfect because I have built so much in my mind. However others have not seen the image I have embedded into my memory as if it were as real as my own life. They won’t see the imperfections that I will. For this is my life. On the outside people may look at the choices I have made and say I have had my head on my shoulders, I’m smart, and so on. At the end of the day I am human and I can’t help but be filled with regret from time to time. I have to learn to focus on the future and move on.
In conclusion I will challenge myself to finish tweaking these next few chapters by Friday. By then I will decide if editing it one more time is truly important or if it is time to move on and put it out there. On other news I am excited to get back in touch with an old friend. She has always been amazing at artwork since I knew her in middle school and now she is an amazing photographer. She has lent her services and has been working on combining photography and the joy of Photoshop to create my cover. She is in the early stages of its creation and already she has captured the image I wrote and created in my mind. I’m so excited as this process continues and we go back and forth as I get nit-picky about every detail because perfectionist me can’t help but second guess how every piece of the puzzle will draw the reader in. They psychology in me states that the parts need to equal the whole and that is what I am trying to accomplish.
Stay tuned for my continued pursuit to invest in the intricate sci-fi/fantasy known as the Project E.D.E.N. series. A vision centered primarily upon Cedric a 17-year old boy who is a Dream Walker; a genetically engineered skill created by Sector E. He struggles to master his mind-numbing ability with friends of different talents as they find their place to stop the world from being demolished by humanity.