STOP AND STARE AT YOUR LIFE

noticeThe normal day of life can get you down. Especially when you look back and wonder how this place you are surrounded by became so bleak. You had plans and goals. There were dreams that you were going to accomplish. Somehow we have lost our way and we know we can get back but we need to escape the fear of that voice in our head that says it’s not possible.

Projects and goals are motivating. Wether it is graduating school, aiming for a promotion, or going after a dream that most don’t dare. We find ourselves working so hard for these goals. At times it gets claustrophobic, like you are running but you are not actually moving. It feels impossible to get to the finish and feel the reward of that accomplishment.

Sometimes things don’t go your way. You take a chance and it backfires. Somehow your focus gets lost and you find yourself just moving to the pace of the drum instead of defining your own beat. Once in a while you may look around and wonder how on earth you ended up where you are now. You had all these goals and dreams. You were going to be someone and you thought for sure it would be a lot sooner than now. Somehow things seem unjust. As if you are never going to feel the true moment of happiness you expect your wishes to take you to.

We lose our faith in the system of everything that we forget at one point we were thinking of ourselves and determining what we wanted to be. Do you ever have that day or year where things pull you back and take you away from who you said you were going to be? Looking around do you tend to find that this isn’t what you thought it would be like? Perhaps you have become someone you never wanted to be.

Waking up to the light you often realize that something needs to be finished. You have this tremendous urge to carry on what you started. No longer wanting to stay in the same place you find an opportunity that changes your world. The fear that normally reverts you to passing time is vacant. Those are the moments you have to take advantage of. That is the time in your life that may be a deciding factor as to where you will be 10 years from now.

Three years ago I had lost myself. Though at the time I never realized who I really was or who I wanted to be. I just knew that I didn’t want to do what everyone else was doing. Yet there I was and here I am, still doing the thing that I told myself I would escape one day. One difference from 3 years ago to 5 or longer was that I had no plan. No direction. My mind was lost to the possibilities and the economy around me was said to be crumbling. Safety and security is what I sought.

Dormant for a long time I had an awakening. Every once in a while I would be reminded of my childhood dream and always thought how silly it was. How ridiculous I was to aim to be that special at something so little succeed at doing. At the time I was working, like I am now, getting minimal pride in what I was doing. Something was missing. Going to bed I woke up with a dream of inspiration during a time of motivation by the entertainment around me. Books. Books were being made into movies and it was like the best of both my worlds were coming together.

Finding happiness in making up a story from this simple dream I embraced the idea that anyone in this day of an age can be a writer. Perhaps not a writer that can make a living, but a writer none the less. So while I’m neither there nor here I’m somewhere in between. I’m walking the line of living a dream. Instead of going with the flow I am enticing my dream that one day I will share with the world through this blog, and eventually more.

Today I felt this pang of fear and panic that echoed in my heart. It’s getting close was the thought. For years I had been planning, drafting, and talking. Now it is here. In one week I will be finished with my own personal accommodations to book 1 of the Project E.D.E.N. series. In a few weeks I will be giving it up to the hands of an editor. This is a huge moment. There is no more going back when it is completed. Money will be spent and changes would be expensive. These next several days are crucial to the execution of this book and before I know it I will be stopping to stare at the work of art I have finally finished and accepted.

All this came from one right moment that I took advantage from. A moment that allowed me to think outside the box and find myself. That was the day when my life changed and the reason why I’m typing today. Taking a risk is good because it means no regrets. It means that for better or worse you stuck to your goal and you did the best you can. That is all anyone can ask for from a life that doesn’t answer back with the best of intentions. Let go of your inhibitions, stop caring what others think of you and use your brain to find the right path that will lead you to the place you deserve to be.

Inspired by Stop & Stare, One Republic

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