Some days I have to remind myself as I go throughout the day that I am not as old as people assume I am and I’m not old enough to carry this kind of stress. No I don’t have kids, and no I don’t take care of anyone but myself. My issue is that I am a perfectionist when it comes to my livelihood and how I perform in a job therefore t I carry high levels of anxiety. There is nothing wrong with my job . It is an amazing company to work for but the issue is that my passion is bigger than this type of career. I just haven’t figured out what I’m meant to do. Does this sound familiar to anyone at any point of your life? This overwhelming question mark imposed upon you wondering if this is the right direction. If not than be thankful you aren’t another lost soul like this one.
Long time ago when I was in high school I thought of my possibilities as I applied for colleges. I thought maybe something in marketing. That failed when I realized I didn’t want a corporate job. Midway through college I switched to psychology because I wanted to help people. Not in the doctor way but in a way where I made a difference in people’s lives. By the time I graduated those positions were hard to come by and are still laying people off.
While in college I was, and still am, working in an advanced corporation that was all about technology. It is a safe job because with the economy it isn’t going anywhere so I decided to stay. The longer I stayed the more complacent I have been with what I WANT to do. Right now I am doing what I need to do. Being comfortable is the root of all evil in my life. Every time I think of another choice that is reasonable for my current skills I find that the grass isn’t greener other side and that my view is looking pretty good.
Am I happy? That is the most important question. Not if I am happy every day, but a majority of days, and lately the answer NO comes to mind more often than yes. What’s changed? My level of position. I didn’t accept it necessarily cause I wanted it. My whole life I’ve been worried about being stuck in a corporation because I know how it sucks the life out of you and leaves you very little time to live, to raise a family. Now that I have gained wisdom I realize this corporate job gives me security and safety and a check I need and one day will need for that future family. To go else where means to live with less and the fact of starting over is a scary thought when you are used to being one of the best in your field.
I accepted a position because everyone else it was time for me to step into the next chapter of my life. I accepted it because there was nothing left for me to learn in my current field. And more importantly it was accepted because I was hoping the extra money would help my passion. Then of course taxes change and I run into some other fortunate personal events that lead me feeling like I am in the same place. So I will try to publish my book this year but that all depends on money. Therefore that is the ultimate reason I am not as happy as I was.
So here I am working a job with hours I can’t stand and getting paid menial according to the responsibility I’m dealt. I’m doing my best to be happy with what I have. Remember that many other people have it a lot worse and at least I have a hobby that gives me happiness on the side whether it’s seen by me only or one day many. When I get down I ask myself what do you want? What would make your life better? I’m waiting for myself to actually answer.
Isn’t it strange that I can’t think of what will actually make me happy. That I can’t figure out how any other job could be better than mine. A lot of people feel this way though. As if there is something more to their life and no matter how much power of thought they give they find no reasonable, or perhaps realistic, answer to appease them.
These are just sad depressing thoughts to assume that nothing out there in life can make me happier, that being content is enough. No one can live in such miserable conditions for long. After moping for a few days during my personal time I have to tell myself to wake up and smell the coffee. To brighten my outlook I remind myself that an opportunity can come one day and sweep you off your feet. Tomorrow is another day and that is one more day we get to learn from life. Perhaps work isn’t what makes you happy, maybe it is something else like a family to come home to. Perhaps you have to be just happy with what you have and remember that others have it worse and as long as you work hard and do your best what more is there to ask yourself.
Cherish the days that make you want to live and get through the days that tear you down. Theres a silver lining somewhere in this world and we all can find it if we just focus on the good and improve the bad. Job security is important. What is more important is accepting what you have been given in life and what you have gone after in life and realize that you led yourself to this path. If you don’t like it then you can lead yourself down another path.