My ideal dream life involves shutting off the outside world from my view. Something about my personality just screams loner. I would much rather be in dark room reading a book, writing a book, surfing the net and indulging in my flat screen entertainment. One could blame my will to be absent from the world as a fault of technology. True and not true.
When I grew up I was the classic loner girl. Pretending like I could care less what is going on and keep invisible as I surf through a crowd to look for a spot no one would miss. I didn’t have an imaginary friend but my imagination was alive and well as I created stories in my head of where I really was and who was really there; or not there is more accurate. When I wasn’t pretending to be in another world I was reading, filing my head with other people’s fantasies. That was more fun to me than sitting around talking. What can I say, I’m just not a people person internally though I sure do put up a good front now.
As technology continued to advance over the years it didn’t make me a bigger homebody it just helped me enjoy it immensely more. Is it sad that I would rather play on my computer than meet up with people. I agree, it is sad. I just can’t help it. This is who I am. If I had it my way I would live off my writing and stay at home 90% of the time. I would only go out for the necessities and the occasional meeting up with family and friends so that they don’t think I’m dead. More than anything I would love to live in a recluse house away from all humanity. Of course this dream world must have a high internet connection, cable, and no horror atmospheres. There is no need for this girl to come down with cabin fever reenacted from a horror story of bad water consumption. With that being said I’m going to advocate to get a water purifier if this dream were to ever become a reality.
Other than that creepy cabin fever horror story I have come to realize that too much time at home can cause that fever to perspire. I don’t think the average person could stay in their house as much as I could stand. I realistically think as long as I went out of the house once every week to run an errand or say hey to someone then that would keep me from going crazy. This week I took a stay-cay. I have the pleasure of working for a corporation that gives paid time off and if you don’t use it you lose it. One of my work goals this year was to use every hour of that PTO. Since I don’t have all this money to plan multiple vacations I decided to reenact my dream world of a loner for a week.
Is it working? Eh– I painted an accent wall, did some housework but ultimately I realize my real issues is just things being frozen around me that I currently don’t have much control over. Therefore I am in this waiting stage of my life. Trying to keep myself busy with writing gives me this new perspective on writer’s block. I want to write, I have the stories in my head but I can’t just get my fingers and mind to mold together because I’m waiting on things I can’t control. Beyond that I went out of the house to do some shopping and I realized that if this was my life (staying at home) I wouldn’t have all this awesome stuff to write about lol.
Life is all about experiences. Some of us just use those in a different way than others to get through life.
Yes that’s right, I am admitting this now….if it wasn’t for the work that I tolerate I wouldn’t have such an amazing imagination that challenges me to think of the world in different ways. I wouldn’t have experiences with people good or bad to live off the emotions they instill within me. I would be a bit dead inside and without a job, a hobby, a cause….my will to write would suffer. So I’m admitting that I am thankful for the job that I tolerate because it means that one day I will create something great out of the triumphs and defeats that this outside world offers. Thank you headaches and stress because you remind me of why I do love my peace of mind when I am able to obtain it.