When I first think of the term “juggling both lives” immediately my geeky mind goes to superheroes. How do they do it? Have a life and help people who are in need because that is their true passion. The real answer is that most of them don’t do it. It is one thing to separate a secret persona with a personal life that involves no one to question you. It is another story to actually live the life you want and save lives while at it. Few people in life can do what they are passionate about while also living a personal life. Firefighters, doctors, military….and now me. The only difference is that I am not saving real lives, just the fictional kind.

Everything in my being is driven by passion and organization. It has been a long few weeks. A very long few week. I just got promoted to Store Manager at a brand new place. It is exciting and exhausting all at the same time. I am now in control of people’s lives which is different. I’m discovering my passion for retail all over again. As I have struggled with the idea of a career placement I have found myself settling for those who want me to be around. It makes life easier when you don’t have to change much. What I love is that I finally have the real power to help people achieve their professional goals. I love sharing my knowledge and watching the spark in a persons mind when they learn something new that is a game changer in their lives.

My true passion is writing. I used to think that would get me nowhere till I realized it wasn’t about what people saw but what I saw in myself. Now I can’t stop fiddling with the keyboard. Writing does things for me that no job will ever do. It is there for me when no one else is.  I find entertainment and joy out of my creation of simple things we see every day. For instance, trees are everywhere, the simplicity of the organism of the trees captivate me and I choose to twist the ideology behind its original intent. Imagination is powerful and within it I have control over a world even when I have little control over my own personal world sometimes. At least I originally had control. As schizophrenic as this may sound, my characters have a hold of me and they choose to speak and tell me what to do and what will happen. I know this is my mind and my fingers typing but their hold on me is powerful.

Now that I have a fancy title in my career I am finding that it is more important now than ever in my life that I find a way to juggle both my jobs. The real world job and the imaginary one. So I am making another commitment to myself. I will write on my blog twice a week. No excuses, I don’t care if I pass out at the computer as long as it means that my intent was to finish and will be to finish when I wake from my spell. I vow that my characters Cedric and Saphira will be heard. I took this promotion for them. So I could get their voices out and if I back down because one job is tiring me out… then what was the point.

Doubt is my biggest fear. We do it subconsciously everyday. I doubt whether I can live up to the expectations that everyone has in my career. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I will be a great manager. My biggest problem to my self-ego is that I care too much. Therefore I know I will put my full potential into everything I touch. I will demand it from other people.

So now I am going to remind my lil’ ego about how useful these management and sales tools can only benefit my writing. Public speaking used to be my worst fear and to this day I don’t quite understand why.  However I am doing it more often throughout the years in sales retail and I know this job will continue to demand more from me. The other biggest issues that my job has, and continues, to teach me is how to deal with rejection, criticism, and overall leading into disappointment.

In all honesty I’m not sure if I will ever find a healthy way to deal with disappointment in which you have been held to a certain expectation and failed to meet what everyone else expects of you. You lose your respect, you lose your face to certain important people in your view. Perhaps sometimes that important person is yourself. Criticism is different because everyone is a critic. I could care less what other people who I never met think of me. They don’t know me, but obviously I love them automatically for loving my work. I didn’t give them an expectation, and it’s not always me that is wrong, it works both ways. The fact is that everyone has an opinion and everyone is different so I can’t expect for everyone to like my work. Unlike my management job where I feel I can disappoint people cause their expectations of me are higher than my own in that part of my world. In my fantasy land there is no expectations, just dreams that are reachable. In conclusion my job  has taught me that while some reject either way you were rejected for not putting yourself out there. So what do you have to lose if you never gain anything without speaking up. Criticism and disappointment can’t happen without an attempt on your part.

So I am glad to see that at least my passion will benefit from the job that pays the bills.

As time goes on  I WILL learn to juggle everything. And I WILL go for my dreams no matter how many people turn me down. No matter how much people disappoint me I will NOT disappoint myself. I’ve learned that in life it is NOT all about who you know, or where you are, or what you do or where you came from. All that matters is whether you want it bad enough to put it in the front seat and hold onto it no matter what rollercoaster twists your life. At times it will be a struggle. I will be exhausted to no end. My strength will fade on some days. I however, mentally, will not let it break me.

This is my life and I’ve decided to help other people become better at what they do because with great talent and skills I have the responsibility and moral obligation to share it with others. My management style will show people how to work for themselves, get information on their own without feeling lost, and they in turn will teach people the same. I call it the Ripple Effect. Not everyone will attach to my style and carry it out. Some, in the long run with no more guidance may fade away but those who can possess it, own it, and teach it will only be spreading a better lifestyle.



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