I remember how exciting birthdays used to be. (I came to this realizations last week during my Birthday.) Now it is just one step closer to proving to myself that I am an adult. I’m one of those girls who has a bit of a commitment phobia mixed with the will to want to stay young. Although as each year passes I’m reminded that I am not getting any younger and that everyone else around me is welcoming adulthood responsibilities that I just don’t want right now. I look on Facebook and I am finding that everyone is getting married and having children. It is nerve-racking to know that I am at the age where all those things are expected. I miss the years when I could say there too young to be doing that…not anymore, there at the right age now to be making commitments with less risk involved.
Time just has the incapability to stay still. It keeps running and that is scarier to me than death itself. I see all these people getting married and I am happy for them but secretly I am judging how long the marriage will last. Don’t judge my judgmental habits, you know that you are or have done it to. It is just what we all do. Judging others gives us perspective on ourselves.
I’m a commitment phobia, so feel free to judge, I have already diagnosed myself and have come to terms with it. The girl from the divorced family is scared of making the same mistakes. I have been in a long-long longstanding relationship. Constantly I am being asked when are you going to settle down. I have a few reasons. After marriage the next most common question is when are you going to have kids. I understand that my time is running out but I am still in that young head of mine saying not yet; you have so many things you want to do before you are tied down with the diaper bag. The other reason is because I am being extremely careful, maybe to careful, with making the biggest most impacting decision of my life. I want to make sure all my ducks are in a row before I pull the plug. Marriage in my opinion is taking too lightly. There is just not enough thought going into it, but I mean that for the majority, not for you personally.
Getting older has advantages. Like making your own rules of your house. Buying whatever you want, provided you can afford it. Creating the family you may of never had or perhaps recreating the same family you came from. On the other hand, getting older is like a virus that never goes away. It is stressful and tiring. Downtime is absent and you spend more time getting to know how to please everyone else instead of yourself. The hardest part about being an adult, in my opinion, is finding the time to do what you love mixed upon the chaos of running your life and perhaps a family style life.
Do I look forward to getting older? I think I made it very clear that at this time, getting older is the last thing I want to do. However, do I have a choice? I have many choices that I can make in life, this is not one of them. Not yet, science is just not there. However I will learn to deal with it and make decisions that are right for my lifestyle. Good luck to all my old friends and acquaintances who graduated with me! Good luck to all of you who want to stay young forever! Its inevitable but we all can dream.