Dear Blog: Today was really rough.

Dear Blog,

Today was really tough. Not the usual I hate my job, I hate people, or life sucks sort of day. I got some very bad news. Though it was expected I guess I never actually thought it would come true. That boy I have watched grown up and be a part of my life has been taken away from my family. Hopefully not forever but the ignorance of others has seen it fit to put us in our place.

I don’t understand what has caused such cruelty in others. I suppose it is selfishness. My family and I have only wanted to help but with that we also wanted to ensure his safety. He may be loved but that is not enough. To grow into the man I know he can be he needs structure and security. He needs someone to teach him right and wrong. Not people who will teach him how to lie, steal, cheat and become a user of things and people.

Right now I picture his beautiful blue eyes and how they light up when they see me. This little beautiful boy stole my heart long ago even though I resisted. He was born of into parents who were too young, too immature, and too hateful of the world. I didn’t want a part of raising a chid into a heathen. Yet when he was born my blood boiled and I knew I couldn’t reject someone who is a part of me. I couldn’t blame him for others neglect. So I allowed myself to be entrenched in this engulfing fire that has for the past four years layered my skin with burns that can not heal.

There is this system that we all live by. Some know how to abuse it. So when we called for help there was no answer for the wicked have found the loop holes and have sucked every drop they can from our veins. Yet leaving just enough to keep us alive as we watched them tarnish our name and take us for granted. People around us give “advice” as if they know how things work in this country. Yet they know nothing. They say the system will work and they will get theirs. I say by then it will be too late and that boy I love will be gone in some form. They say Karmas a bitch and I flatly say she no longer exist. She can’t turn back time and take away the hate. Wise people once told me that good conquers evil. What they neglected to say is that evil spreads and will taint me no matter how hard I fight back.

When I found out the news it was hard to digest. To know that while everyone has bent over backwards we have all been screwed. I had to realize that the last time I saw him may be the last. Perhaps this is just another game, and if so, I also fear it. For too long my emotions have been yanked as a yo-yo as I remember that every day can be the last. Either way it hit me hard. Like a wave in the ocean spreading across its body. I had that feeling that I was falling and I couldn’t find my way back.

Perhaps whether we see each other again, one day he may read this and realized there are more people out there that love him, whether he can remember or not. Maybe he will survive the odds and that boy I know won’t be lost forever.

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3 thoughts on “Dear Blog: Today was really rough.

  1. I’m sorry to hear the news. I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on. Don’t give up hope.

  2. We are a foster parents.. and have had what you describe happen more than once.. it is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The only solice I have is that I know I made a difference in thier lives and that i still love them dearly.

    • Thank you for sharing. It is hard to love someone and let go. I commend you for volunteering your services and hope that one day I too can be strong enough to touch more lives the way you have.

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