I see his face so clearly yet never have I felt that things could be so distorted. I remember this boy; full of energy and promise. Yet here I am looking at him through a window wondering why did he give up. He is still the same boy, yet different. Perhaps I am still caught up in the past and when I see him I am then shaken by his demeanor. It is as if he has given up and doesn’t believe that anything can go right.
I beg and I plead with him to change. “Make something better of this life,” I keep saying.
Perhaps then this window would not exist. However it does and as time goes on the pain doesn’t change. He is not a distant memory to me for it is like yesterday that we relied on each other and fought over discrepancies done to us by this world. Either or we grew up together and I watched him blossom then throw it all away. He found different friends, as was expected. We grew apart which we all knew would happen because we chose different paths. I buried my pain and looked for a way out while he enveloped it and sought out distractions leading to devastation.
That boy in the window will stay forever unchanged by the harsh realities that circumference his physicality’s. Maybe one day he will wake up and challenge himself to find a true happiness instead of the easy way out. One day he could surround himself with people who care about him as I do. When that day comes I hope he finds all the happiness in the world and can dissolve his regrets. However if that day doesn’t comes he will forever be buried underneath the what if’s.
I will never be able to live a life without thinking of him for one day and wonder….if only. If only he had made better friends who could have given a moral guide post for him to hold onto. If only he met a girl who respected a relationship and offered real love instead of comfort. If only he had seen what the rest of us had seen.
For now I will no longer look at this boy in the window. Change can’t be done by those around you. They can offer you opportunities but in the end it is only one persons decision to change. We are all troubled one way or another. In the end it is not what is given to us in life but what we do with it that makes a difference. The choices are our own even though they affect others.
Live and love but do not allow either to destroy you.